Another day

I was grateful to Adam today; Lucy still isn't sleeping through the night and he got up twice to take care of her and let me sleep in. I tossed and turned most of the night, but by 7:30 (about 2 hours after I usually take my morning pills) I felt awful. Chills, sweated, shaky, blurred vision - the morning "routine". I took my pills and layer on the couch until Drew got up. He sat on my lap as he had his morning milk, and I made him some toaster strudel afterwards. My stomach and abdomen both were throbbing and churning. I took cromalin today, so I wasn't sure why I felt awful - was it the drop in steroids, the new meds, just another crappy day? Drew clung to my leg by the toaster and I asked him several times to stop. He kept pulling on me, making my stomach more unsettled. I actually turned around and screamed at him. I can't even explain the look on his face. He ran off to daddy crying. I just started sobbing. I'm losing it; am I'm taking it out on my family. I couldn't believe I got to this low point. I drank my formula- which continues to be very difficult to drink - while Drew and Adam ate breakfast. Adam put Lucy to sleep afterwards, and Drew and I played while daddy showered. Then we put Drew down for a nap and I went upstairs. I felt so awful I just laid in bed; I didn't have the strength to shower. About 20 went by, and off to the bathroom. I guess the c-diff stuff wins again. Another sample collected (scary how it doesn't gross me out at this point I've done it do much) and went to take my shower. Then we packed everyone up, and Adam went to drive me to get my hair cut. I love Mrs. Fox, a long time friend and hairdresser, but I had trouble talking about things without welling up with tears. I was grateful to at least get a trim; when I do get the energy to do my hair, atleast it will look ok. We came back home as both kids were tired, fed them and put them down for afternoon naps. Adam went to go buy new clothes and get done groceries in while the kids sleep. I'm resting, sitting up straight on the couch trying to keep the second formula of the day in. The acid is kicking my butt; it burns even burping the stuff back up. I'm nervous I'm not getting all the calories I need, but am really struggling with the formula still. I just dont know if the issue is the formula, the meds or the infection. Either way, it's a challenge. I spoke with my Aunt Kathy today just to check in. It was nice to talk with someone. I hope I get out of this funk soon. I know I can be happier than this...