Long Weekend

This weekend was a low point for me.  I really struggled with the side effects of the prednisone, and dealing with so many issues.  On Friday, I dropped to 20mg of prednisone and felt miserable.  I also started the chromalin and new antibiotic for thrush, as well as a multi-vitamin.  We hung around the house Saturday, and I seemed to do ok.  Saturday night, I couldn't sleep. My stomach felt all messed up, and by Sunday morning, I was a mess.  Hot sweats, no sleep, irritable, mood swings, anxious, in the bathroom 3x, just all in all - yucky.  We tried to get to 10:45 mass, arriving late, but had to leave early.  I just couldn't handle how bad I felt, and I didn't even have enough patience to be with the kids - who were actually being pretty good.

I took a Zanax this morning, and another one tonight, as I still feel like crap.  The nutrient drinks didn't sit well all day; I burped and regurgitated/reswallowed a lot of it.  That's always a concern when we're trying to reduce inflammation, and things seem aggravated.  I just have no idea what's going on, and I'm scared.  I had a long talk with Adam over dinner tonight.  We agreed we wouldn't go to the wedding this weekend; my health is proving I'm not ready to make any sort of trip.  I feel awful about it; all the planning and a personal goal - but I don't feel stable enough to take a chance and have all of us out of state and me feeling like this.  Adam agreed for me to just keep taking the Zanax for now; I obviously need something to help me through this.

I emailed work and said that I won't come back until after Thanksgiving, when I hope to be off the prednisone. I truly hope that's what's causing all of this; including the anxiety.  Every drug I'm on has GI side effects, so the fact that the drinks aren't sitting well could be due to anxiety, or some of the meds.  There is so many unknowns.

My tapering should end Thanksgiving week.  I have my endoscopy to see if I'm in remission on 12/12, followed by allergy testing on 12/13 (tentative), and followups with doctors on 12/15.  I see Dr. G in the meantime as well.

I hate feeling like this.  I hate being scared.  I hate these mood swings and feeling paranoid.  I'm sure my mental instability isn't helping calm my GI tract either.  I read of a child that had EoG and died from it, as the allergens just kept on the attack.  I worry about my kids, and watching Drew shudder every time he drinks milk.  What do that they have; are they ok?  I worry about my parents; they have so much to burden with David and now me and my dad's eyes - my mom's lupus and headaches flare.

I'm still trying to work with the disability company to get benefits while I'm out; that's been a mess.  It's no fun being sick and worrying about things financially as well.

I prayed and need to find faith in all this.  I really want to get well.  I feel I've hit a wall.  Please continue to pray for me and my family.